A Very Merry Un-Mother's Day to YOU!

So in case you haven't noticed, I haven't written a blog post in over a year.  And on the off chance you didn't know why, it's mostly because of how busy I've been since taking my company in more of an independent direction, both in terms of consulting, and in developing my own product.  The cannabis consulting thing has probably taken up the biggest portion of that time.  In short, I've been so busy learning, that I haven't had time to share much.  Not all of what I've earned has much applicability to the world of commercial ag.  Some of it has, to be sure.  For example, I can't wait to start sharing and teaching about what I've learned about Vapor Pressure Deficit (or VPD).  I'm fairly certain that explains why wheat works SO well in places that are particularly hot and dry and far less successful in places with greater humidity like most of the Midwest.  Some of what I've learned though has to do with indoor agriculture that won't apply to commercial row crop farming.  Some of it has been just personal growth and learning about myself.  At the end of the day, all of this is really just a preamble to today's article... which has absolutely not one thing to with agronomy.

If I'm being totally honest, I'm not really sure why I haven't written in over a year other than that nothing has really inspired me.  Not until today, that is.

Today at church, I volunteered to take Elijah in the nursery so that Melissa could actually sit and listen to the sermon (for once).  I was immediately struck by the awkwardness of the situation.  I'm sitting there in the little play area with about 8 kids, and 4 parents.

Oh, I'm sorry.  Did I just use the gender neutral term "parents?"  Yes?  What I meant was moms.  I should probably clear that up lest anyone think that this was some sort of a balanced group.  I was the one and only dad in the room.  

Now, guys, don't go getting your panties in a bunch thinking that I've gone off some crazy liberal deep-end just because I've lived on the Left Coast for a year now.  Let me be perfectly clear:  This isn't about politics, this is about appreciation ... or maybe I should say, "the lack of appreciation."

See, I'm man enough to admit that I have pretty much taken it for granted that Mel handles Elijah in church and I get to sit and listen to the sermon.  But today I was really struck by what kind of a sacrifice that is, because this story gets so much deeper.

So I'm sitting in the nursery with these 4 moms and 8 kids, and a dad drops off his little boy, who looks like he's about Elijah's age... ish.  He was a very sweet little boy and seemed very happy kind of playing by himself.  It doesn't take very long before everyone in the room realizes that Little Boy has something seriously weird going on with his eye.  And I'm not talking like a lazy eye or something.  I mean like it's pink and inflamed and kind of disgustingly goopy. 

We've only just started going to this church and I'm clearly out of my element here, so I don't really know what to do.  So I awkwardly do my best to keep Elijah from getting too close to Little Boy on the off chance that this is Pink Eye.  Obviously, the moms in the room noticed the same thing I did and it takes about 2.5 minutes before they nervously begin discussing what to do.  Ultimately they decide to try to keep Little Boy kind of quarantined in the corner.  One of the moms dives on that grenade and I do my best to help her.  Of course the tension in the room is still rising because no one wants their kid to get Pink Eye, and no one wants to ostracize Little Boy.  Finally, tension hits a fever pitch and the person who runs the children's ministry...
Wait.. I'm sorry...  
The WOMAN who runs the children's ministry is called in and is filled in on what's going on.

She makes the call to go get Little Boy's dad and has to ask him to pull Little Boy out of the Nursery.

Dad comes in and is SERIOUSLY huffy.  
"I already told you... it's JUST allergies!"
and
"This is unbelievable!"
etc., etc., etc.

In the midst of all this, several things hit me like a ton of bricks.
1. I was trying to help where I could... sharing hand sanitizer, picking up after Little Boy, corralling him, etc, but I was the new kid on the block, so I mostly kept my mouth shut... which left every woman in there stuck in the truly awful position of trying to be good parents by protecting their children and the other children in there, while at the same time trying to share the love of Jesus with these kids (and his dad) while also struggling to not come across as judgmental or exclusive, etc. etc.  
2.  Take the faith thing out of this equation for just a second completely and let's call this what it really is.  Every woman in that room was stuck between trying to protect their kid and having someone else think, "What a bitch!"  

You'll have to forgive me for that last bit of language if it offends you, but I'm being real honest.  Too many people would think that very thing.  

And put yourself in Little Boy's Dad's shoes for a second.  How was he supposed to feel?  Maybe this really was just an allergy.  Or maybe he was just saying that hoping it was true and he hadn't actually been to a doctor to confirm it.  I don't know.  But I do know that this was a terribly awkward and un-fun situation to be in the middle of, and I felt particularly bad for the moms.

3.  One week from today is Mother's Day.  I can't help but wonder if next weekend the nursery will be full of dads.  Some churches I've been to do that kind of thing.  But in some ways, I almost think that's worse... giving mom "a day off"-- which implies that the other 51 Sundays a year are her responsibility instead.  That's why I titled this post "A Very Merry Un-Mother's Day to YOU!"  
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Please know that this isn't an indictment of you personally.  I don't know you.  

This isn't some politically motivated tirade.  

I'm just being honest and confessing my own shortcomings as a husband and father.  I'm guilty of taking my wife for granted.  Are you?

Guys, I witnessed it first hand today:  Parenting is hard.  Momming is way harder.  Let's all try to remember that more than one day a year.  

In other news... I'm planning on getting back to some agronomy writing before too long.  If you've got questions in the meantime, please feel free to reach out by phone (641-919-5574) or email.  Thanks.
Curt

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